Saturday, December 30, 2006

Boom Boom

I love sharks.

I am utterly and completely fascinated by them.... and I have wondered for a long time why I have such an abnormal 'thing' with sharks. It is such a strong interest that I even refer to them in their scientific superorder of Selachimorpha (especially the most fearsome Great White Shark -- Carcharodon carcharias.... and the prehistoric mother of all sharks, the largest predatory fish to have ever lived -- the Carcharodon megalodon). I know, I know... that's a tad strange.

So, I have a theory about my enduring bittersweet obsession with these awesome creatures...

Back in the day in 1975, the Jaws blockbuster was splashing up a bloody storm at the box office (so to speak). So my mom, along with her brother and my dad, decided to go see it at the local theatre. Needless to say, she along with everyone else were scared out of their seats (literally). With her knees huddled close to her chest she watched the movie through spread fingers. The whole audience screamed at every suspenseful scene. She was terrified.

And she was pregnant with me...

Yes, I think that Steven Spielberg character somehow seriously affected me in the womb. To this day, every time I see Jaws, I still have to hide behind the couch, door, table, blanket, a heap of pillows, or any human body during those nail-biting scenes.

So.... selachophobia is the word for fear of sharks. But, I have both a fascinating and frightening fixation with sharks. I am glued to my television during Discovery Channel Shark Week. I am scared of deep dark water as I always picture something looking up at me from below. And I never dangle my legs or any other limbs over a boat, canoe, kayak, wharf, pool edge, or any other threshold to H2O. Never. And I refuse to lay on a yellow air mattress too.

But I love them toothy species. So here is a taste if you will of some sharkilicious stuff...

Caution Teething Shark Bib from Funny Baby Onesies

Bigger Boat Magnet from Uncle Cucuy's Wonder Emporium
That's a twenty footer!
Quint: Twenty five! And three tons of him!
Brody: You're gonna need a bigger boat, right?

Shark Switchplate Cover from Hmmm... scared of the dark? To leave the light on, or off?

Hooper Drives The Boat yellow T-Shirt from

Quint: Hey Hooper? Maybe your a big yahoo on the land but out here you're just supercargo. If you don't want to backstroke home, you get down here!

Shark Golf Club Headcover from Top Notch Gift. Cover your fav club with a fuzzy great white. Hmmm... could be a new nickname? Pass me thy lucky Great White to feather er into 540 yard par five...

Shark Totes from UncommonGoods look look pretty fierce slung over your shoulder as you head er down to the beach...

Shark Button from (alas my dark humour... tis not real!)

My Shark Ate My Homework Kids T-Shirt from Animal Outfitter. Good excuse... maybe if you are a mermaid or live in an aquarium.

From Hammacher Schlemmer... A full 2' long Remote Controlled Robotic Shark with a full-range of motion to replicate the smooth, sleek swimming of one of nature's most frightening predators.
"It is able to gracefully maneuver up, down, left, right, and even backwards through water, in depths up to 9'. The shark can swim up to 40' from its handheld remote unit which is also submersible, allowing you to swim with your shark." Uh, ok...

SOS as the swimmers distress signal? SOS as "sharks out searching"?
Actually it's a Save Our Sharks BBQ Apron from Save our Sharks

Shark Bite Bottle Opener from After Five. Uh, yikes! That's why I don't hang five...

Sharks Percale Bedding from The Company Store. All tucked in with sharks surrounding you in high thread count cotton as you try to doze off into dreamland...

Squishy Shark Stress Toy from Office Toy Store.
Squeeze ole Sharky to beat the blues...

Shark Shot Glass from Has to be a blast of Blue Curacao. Isn't there a Shark Energy Drink out there?

Shark Pop-up Hamper from The Company Store... let your sharky roomate gobble up your dirty clothes.

Shark Bite Stapler from UncommonGoods. Ouch!

Great White Shark Bath Gift Set from Rub a dub dub... three sharks in a tub...

Design Masters Rogue Blue Shark Sunglasses from Nature Pavilion
I don't know about you, but would you want sharks lurking ever so closely to your eyeballs?

Shark Wall Hooks from The Company Store. Hook, line, and sinker. These sharks are quite tame and friendly when “hanging around” the bedroom.

Great White breaching out of a blue glycerin Shark Soap from Giggle Soaps. Boo!

The Whole Damn Thing T-Shirt from "This shark - swallow ya hole. Ten thousand dollars for me by myself. For that you get the head, the tail, the whole damn thing."

Shark Wall Clock from 351 Girl. Tick tock, tick tock... look at the shark.

Shark Plush Pillow from Snuggle a shark... oh, ah... so sweet!

So, some frighteningly cool shark stuff...

Interestingly, my brother shares the same obsession, if you will, about sharks.
My theory once again:

Mom went to go see Jaws 2 when it was released at the boxoffice when she was, you guessed it... pregnant with him. How she managed to muster up the mental and physical strength to endure another round of sheer terror, I will never know. But tis true! I swear Spielberg cast his spell on both of us...

Brody: Huh huh, I used to hate the water.
Hooper: Huh huh, I can't imagine why.

And one can't forget the thrilling soundtrack composed by John Williams. The two note motif (or three note motif) is as primitive and raw as the shark itself and is used to symbolise the sharks pulse, or state of mind or mood. When Jaws gets excited, so does the music, getting faster and faster and louder and louder... ahhhhhh!

Boom, boom....

1 comment:

James Ippoliti said...

Thanks for the mentions on my Jaws shirts. I just found you on a google search. It's always great to see someone blog about my shirts, especially Jaws fans. Did you go to Jaws Fest in 2005? it was a blast.